Out in the Crowd

A letter to my seven year old son

Dearest Logan,
As I sit watching you prepare yourself to go up to bat I wonder what you’re thinking. I wonder if you’re thinking about how nervous you are walking up to home plate with all eyes on you, I wonder if you’re thinking about your swing and how bad you want to one day hit a grand slam. Or maybe it’s simple and you’re just focused on doing your very best. Our eyes meet when you walk over to home plate, because you always glance over to make sure I’m watching. I’m watching your every move my sweet boy, I’m here out in the crowd. My heart weighs very heavy for you, I’m sorry that the past few years you’ve played baseball your dad isn’t out in the crowd cheering you on. I think about this everyday you do something amazing and I want you to know that I’m your biggest fan. I will always be the one cheering the loudest for you! If I had a foam finger to wear to the games with your name on it, you better believe I’d point that finger high. Something I would never say to you but feel so strong in my heart is: I’m sorry I picked him to be yours and Larissa’s father, I’m sorry you’re both hurt by him not being there, and I’m sorry I haven’t provided you with a male figure to look up to. I’m doing my best as a single mom and I want to choose wisely when picking a man whom you will most likely model after. I just haven’t found him yet and I’m sorry for that. I know it must be difficult for you to look to only me for guidance, I know you need more. You’re at an age where you’re trying to learn how to become a man while being raised by just your mom. I will do the best with what I have and I pray that I raise an amazing man. I will teach you how to work, I will teach you how to be kind, and I will teach you right from wrong. I will put every ounce of my heart into you like I always have and I will love you more than anything else in this world. So when you walk up to bat at your next game and look out in the crowd, I’ll be there looking back at you crossing my fingers that you one day get the chance to hit a Grand Slam. I hope that seeing me in the crowd is enough for you, I hope you’re proud to have me as a mom just like I’m proud to have you as a son. I love you more than words could ever explain and I want you to see and feel that in your heart. Now go make your dreams come true and hit that ball out of the park! I’m watching you right here out in the crowd.

Love,
Mom